Some Nasty Jokes !!!

[goldfish]

Two friends Billooo & Tillooo went to school for appearing in English exam (7th standard) . They had crammed an essay of "MY BEST FRIEND". But unfortunately , in the question-paper it was written ....... write an essay on "MY FATHER"in just 30-45 words .So billooo was utterly confused & nervous... what to do !!!

Tillooo gave an idea . . . . just write the essay My best friend & just keep on replacing the word friend with the father..... So this was how billooo & tillooo wrote the essay "MY FATHER"......

Fathers & fathers are everywhere , but good fathers are very rare . I have so many fathers , but my best father is pyarelal. He is my neighbour. He often comes to my home & my mother likes him very much....

[goldfish]

Here is something that I received as a forward.I would like to share this with all of you.I dont know if this fits here or not.But still....read it...


Youngest Son: "Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between "Potentiaity"
and "reality"?" Dad: "I will show you" Dad turns to his wife and asks her:
"Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars"? Wife: "Yes of
course! I would never waste such an opportunity"! Then Dad asks his
daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 Million dollars?
Daughter:" Wow! Yes! he is my fantasy!" So Dad turns to his elder son and
asks him: "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars"? Elder
Son: "Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would
never hesitate!" So the father turns back to his younger son saying:" You
see son, "Potentially" we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in "Reality"
We are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay!!

Thumb

[goldfish]

Here is one more ..

No Firewall

CHILD : Dad, where did I come from?

DAD : Okay, we had to have this conversation some day!...... So why not now

Now Listen.... Dad and mom met in a chat room on the net. I set up a meeting with your mom and we landed in the bathroom at the Cyber Cafe. Then, mom did some downloads from dads memory stick and when dad was readt to upload, We discovered that there was no firewall. Seeing that it was a bit too late to cancel, I just carried on doing the upload. Nine months later, the damn virus appeared!.

CHILD : Huh?

[goldfish]

Wedding Dress
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, "Mom, why
are wedding dresses white?"

The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your
bride is pure."

The son thanks his mom, and then seeks his father opinion, "Dad, why are
wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household
appliances come in white."

[goldfish]

Banta goes to a Psychologist and says, "Doc I got a
real problem, I can't stop thinking about sex."

The Psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can
find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is this
a picture of?" he asks.

Banta turns the picture upside down then turns it
around and states, "That'sa man and a woman on a bed
making love."

The Psychologist says, "Very interesting," and shows
the next picture. "And what is this a picture of?"

Banta looks and turns it in different directions and
says, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologists tries again with the third ink blot,
and asks the same question, "What is this a picture
of?"

Banta again turns it in all directions and replies,
"That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be
obsessed with sex."

"Me!?" demands Banta. "You're the one who keeps
showing me the dirty pictures!

[goldfish]

This Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a
puzzled look.

"Mom, why is my bigger brother named Thunderstorm?"

She told him, "Because he was conceived during a
mighty storm."

Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?"

She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a
cornfield when we made
her."

"And why is my other sister called Moonchild?"

"Because we were watching the moon landing while she
was conceived."

Thoughtfully, Mother paused and asked her son, "Tell
me, Broken Rubber,
why
are you so curious?"

[goldfish]

A married couple was watching volleyball game at a beach when the wife
spotted a couple in the bleachers. They were being very affectionate. The girl was
running her hands all over the boyfriend and nibbling on his ear. He had his
hands on her chest.

Looking at them, the wife said to her husband "I don't know whether to watch
them or the game."

Husband said, "Better watch them! You already know how to play volleyball."

[goldfish]

An elderly parish priest became unhappy
with the things he was hearing during
Saturday confessions. After his sermon
one Sunday morning, he said to his
congregation, "I'm tired of hearing so
many people tell me in confession that
they have cheated. For thirty years,
people have been saying to me 'I have
cheated with Anthony... I have cheated
with Mary... I have cheated with
Frankie.' I am sick and tired of
hearing this word. From now on, when
you come into my confessional, you will
say 'I have fallen with Anthony, or with
Mary, or with Frankie.' No more the word
CHEAT. It will be FALL."

About a year later, the old priest
retired and was replaced by a younger
man. No one thought to tell the new
priest about the change of words in the
confessional. After hearing his first
round of Saturday confessions, the young
priest went to the mayor of the town and
said to him, "Mr. Mayor, you are going
to have to do something about the
deplorable condition of the streets and
sidewalks in this town. Everybody is
telling me they are falling all over the
place."

The mayor immediately understood the
problem, and he leaned back in his chair
and laughed.

The priest was puzzled, and said, "Mr.
Mayor, you shouldn't be laughing! Your
wife told me that just last week she
fell three times!"

[goldfish]

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks
into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.

To which the wife responds: He wasn't kissing my neck. He was
whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you, too!!